Strange New Feet
PROLOGUE
“Are we playing God?” Sue Barnes shifted uncomfortably under a sudden twinge of guilt.
“Sometimes God just needs a little help,” the nurse sat without taking her eyes off the microscope. “Okay. Here we are. I need you to look at the screen and confirm your name, please.”
Sue felt her legs shaking from adrenalin. Plus it was damn cold in there and the paper gown, paper blanket combo was offering little warmth. Blinking away tears, she stared at the blobs enlarged on the screen with her name at the bottom and nodded. “Susan Tabitha Barnes. That’s me.” And then, driven by the need to mark every detail of this occasion--to solidify it by speaking of it-- she added. “Those are mine…and Henry’s.” Her voice broke on her husband’s name. “Our babies.”
“Okay, Sue, I need you to take some deep breathes while Dr. Vogler inserts the ultrasound catheter so we can place these embryos exactly where they need to implant.”
“You all right?” Nurse Shar patted her arm. Her hand was warm and dry. Sue smiled gratefully.
“I’m fine. I know it’s going to work this time.” This had been her mantra through the last few weeks of self-injected, painful hormone shots. This time it was going to work. It had to. After four years of trying, these were the last two embryos left to unthaw. The last of her dead husband’s DNA. Her prayers would be answered.
Tears flowed finally, wet and warm down into her ears as she felt the slight pinch within her womb.
“Almost done.”
She let her eyes wonder around the room-- its cement walls painted pea green, the sink growing out of it like a ceramic wart, the glass cabinets, ultrasound machine and monitor. She wanted to remember every detail. Then she closed her eyes and pictured Henry’s face. She knew the details--deep brown eyes, wide smile—but the more she tried to focus, the more his image faded.
“Okay, Sue.” Dr. Vogler said, patting her leg gently. “It went well.” He held her eyes for a moment and then, removing his mask ceremoniously, he nodded at the nurse. “It went well.” Sue watched the exchange with the same attention to detail she had given the room. Something had passed between them. She saw it when their eyes met, something more serious than this routine transfer called for. Was she just being paranoid, or did they know something she didn’t? Was there something wrong and he didn’t want to upset her? She started to sit up and then remembered she would have to lay there for a few minutes.
“You’re sure everything is okay?”
They both turned to her, breaking their eye contact and activity seemed to return to normal.
“Absolutely, Sue.” Dr. Vogler answered.
“You keep that positive attitude, sugar,” the nurse said, covering her legs with a heavier blanket.
“Beth will give you your progesterone prescription up front and we will see you back here in two weeks for your pregnancy test. Remember, lots of rest…keep activity to a minimum. Call if you have any concerns, okay?”
Sue nodded happily.
“Good luck.”
“I don’t need luck. It’s going to work this time.”
Dr. Vogler paused on his way out of the room and looked back at her. His expression seemed somber and almost regretful.
“I feel very positive about this one, too. I really do. I think we’re going to have a baby.” He nodded as if answering his own question. “Some people are just born into a purpose bigger than themselves.”
Sue glanced at Nurse Shar, who had stopped cleaning up and was now staring at Dr. Vogler with a tiny smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.
What was he saying? Sue didn’t understand. “Like Jesus?”
“Well,” Dr. Vogler said, his eyes darkening. “Let me ask you a question, Sue. Do you think Jesus was God or man?”
“Oh, I think he was 100 % God and 100 % man,” she answered, feeling comforted by talk of her Savior.
“Hm,” his eyebrows lifted and he smiled suddenly like she had said something very intriguing. “Interesting way to look at it. You’re a good woman, Sue. You’ll do just fine.” He turned and pushed through the door.
“What did he mean by that?” Sue asked, pulling the blanket higher on her stomach. “What was all that about people being born with a purpose?”
“Don’t you pay attention to him, Sue. Playing god makes the doctors a little crazy around here. They all get philosophical at times.”
She sighed and stared back up at the ceiling, daydreaming.“Wouldn’t it be great if both embryos took and I had twins?”
“You know,” Shar half-laughed. “I don’t think he even thought of that.”
“Really? I thought the odds were about 30%?” Now she was really confused.
“Well, yes but…that would just complicate things. The ideal situation is for you to have one…special… baby.”